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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642932">the good side</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkibum/pseuds/pumpkibum'>pumpkibum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Floormates, Depression, Educational Burnout, Friends With Benefits, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, and emphasis on benefits, emphasis on friends, most of mingyus typos are my own, svlgbt, svt himbo line, the mortifying ordeal of asking for help</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkibum/pseuds/pumpkibum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>jeonghan's  current goals for the school year are</p><p>1. get fucked by the guy who lives in the apartment right across from him<br/>2. get through the semester in one piece</p><p>unfortunately, he succeeds at only one of those things</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>162</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. buttercup</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>jeonghan and joshua move in and try not to kill each other</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i dont get to be on campus because of covid so this is all ive got</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeonghan and Joshua move in on a hot summer day, smack in the middle of August.</p><p> </p><p>The drive from Jeonghan’s family home to their new apartment is about an hour or two long, but Joshua’s insistence on playing his “summer playlist” makes it seem even longer. </p><p> </p><p><em> Beach Drive. </em> </p><p> </p><p>Please, they’re not even driving to the beach right now and when Jeonghan points this out, Joshua responds with “it’s the vibes dude, don’t take it literally.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan hates him.</p><p> </p><p>He hates him so much that he signed a lease with him for a whole year because he can’t imagine living with anyone else. </p><p> </p><p>Yeah, he hates him. </p><p> </p><p>If he’s being completely honest though, a part of him is worried. Jeonghan is scared. This year has been off to an iffy start and he’s been trying to hide it for as long as he can. He doesn’t really know how to explain it, but sometimes he just...feels like shit.</p><p> </p><p>And he’s not ready for what that would mean, doesn’t want to have that conversation with himself <em> or </em> Joshua even though he knows that Joshua suspects...something.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t want Joshua to see the worst of him either.</p><p> </p><p>But right now that doesn’t matter. What matters is that they arrived, and now they have to deal with the chaos that is moving in. They’ve stuffed as many boxes and suitcases as they could into Jeonghan’s car, but due to a mix up with shipping some of their furniture (as in...their beds) won’t arrive until the next day, so tonight they’ll be crashing on Joshua’s air mattress.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan smiles to himself when he sees Joshua perk up out of the corner of his eye. He pushes his sunglasses up to hold back his freshly dyed blonde hair and pulls into the basement garage. </p><p> </p><p>When he reaches their designated parking spot, he shuts the engine off, and they sit for a moment. </p><p> </p><p>“You ready?” Joshua asks, teasing.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “No, I’m having second thoughts. Just realized I’m gonna have to see your face every day for a year. I can only handle so much nausea.”</p><p> </p><p>Joshua huffs. “Fuck you,” he says and exits the car. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan smiles to himself and follows him.</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p> </p><p>Maybe they should’ve gotten a place on a lower floor.</p><p> </p><p>Luck would have it that the day they move in, the fucking elevator breaks, which means that they have to carry all their belongings up to the seventh floor, and then come back down to their car to get even more things, because they can’t take it all at once. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan’s legs feel like they’re on fire as he haphazardly drops a box on the ground in front of their apartment door. He really hopes it’s not fragile (he didn’t read the label), and collapses next to it, trying to catch his breath. He knows he should take it inside, but he does not care. Joshua is still downstairs in the garage taking a phone call, leaving Jeonghan to do the work on his own.</p><p> </p><p>The day is not off to a great start. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs and wipes sweat off his forehead. Today’s choice of trying to look nice was not a good one, and he fans the collar of his yellow t-shirt as he tries to catch his breath.</p><p> </p><p>Is the fucking AC broken too? Why is it so hot?</p><p> </p><p>As Jeonghan regrets every single decision he’s made so far, someone comes out from the apartment right across from him. Jeonghan stands up immediately out of embarrassment, and of course, <em> of course, </em> their new neighbors would just so happen to be hot.</p><p> </p><p>Like...Super hot. </p><p> </p><p>Black hair, bushy brows, thighs (and arms) for days, Jeonghan internally curses whoever’s up there because he looks like a sweaty mess in front of this fucking...Greek god.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever, Jeonghan will work with what he has.</p><p> </p><p>The guy notices Jeonghan (how could he not) and quirks an eyebrow at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi! Sorry.” Jeonghan starts, voice a tad too high. He clears his throat. “I’m Jeonghan, I, um, I just moved in today.” He says sheepishly as he gestures to the apartment behind him. </p><p> </p><p>The guy smiles, and he offers Jeonghan a handshake and a nod. “Seungcheol. Your...new neighbor, I suppose.” He says, and his eyes briefly flick up and down Jeonghan’s body.</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Glad to know they’re on the same page.</p><p> </p><p>“Guess that means we’ll see each other a bit often then.” Jeonghan smiles prettily and bats his eyelashes. Like he always does.</p><p> </p><p>“Guess so,” Seungcheol replies with a small smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Score.</p><p> </p><p>“If you need anyone to-” </p><p> </p><p>“Hannie!” A familiar voice cuts Seungcheol off.</p><p> </p><p>The two turn to see Joshua coming down the hall, panting.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Sorry, god, I didn’t expect to take that long.” He says as he bounces over to the two. Out of habit, he slips his arm over Jeonghan’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Hi!” Joshua exclaims, noticing Seungcheol’s presence.  “I’m Joshua.”</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol’s eyes flick down to the arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder for a moment, and Jeonghan misses the way his smile turns a bit tighter as he tells Joshua his name.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s really nice to meet you both,” he says as he pulls his car keys out of his pocket. “I have to get going actually, but I’ll see you guys around. Good luck with moving!” And he waves them off.</p><p> </p><p>The two watch him go with curious eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“How long do you think it’ll take me?” Jeonghan asks.</p><p> </p><p>Joshua huffs. “Dude, you just met him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah...I give it two days.”</p><p> </p><p>Joshua shakes his head, exasperated, and pulls Jeonghan inside.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>
  <strong>universe factory (3)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : coups can u pick up some milk on ur way back </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:43 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> yes yes of course </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:45 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  actually i havent left yet </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:48 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : thank you </em></p>
<table class="table_kaomoji">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>♡( ◡‿◡ )</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p>
  <em> (2:48 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> wait what </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:49 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> i got distracted </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:49 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : by what?? </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:49 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> so...we have new neighbors </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:50 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : and u thot they wr cute </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:50 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...yeah &lt;/3 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> i ran into him in the hallway </em>
</p><p>
  <em> and we kinda hit it off </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:51pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : !!! </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:51 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:51 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : :( </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:52 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> his boyfriend walked in </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:52 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : no!!! </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:52 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> some guy with an english name and giant arms </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:53 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> so now im sulking in my car </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:54 pm) </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : sucks :( </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:54 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> yeah &gt;:(  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> does anyone need anything else? ill leave for the store now </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:55 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : ..mybe sum bandages </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:55 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> i thought we had some :0 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:56 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : get more </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:56 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> did u cut urself while cooking again </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (2:57 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : no… </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:57 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : yes </em></p><p>
  <em> (2:57 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Sometime around six in the evening has Joshua and Jeonghan collapsed on the hardwood floor of their apartment. Between carrying boxes up seven flights of stairs and struggling to build a coffee table, TV stand, <em> and </em> Minghao’s bookshelf (you’re welcome Minghao), and overall unpacking, they think they deserve a little R&amp;R.</p><p> </p><p>That being said, there’s still a dining table to make, an air mattress to set up, clothing to be put away, and groceries to be bought. </p><p> </p><p>And that’s before the rest of their furniture comes in.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan groans when he thinks about how much more is left on their little to-do list tacked up on their refrigerator. </p><p> </p><p>“Minghao isn’t coming until Sunday right?” Joshua asks,  in response to Jeonghan’s groan. His voice is muffled by the ground since he’s lying down on his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“Yup,” Jeonghan answers, already knowing where this is going. </p><p> </p><p>“So...we technically don’t <em> have </em> to finish tonight right?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, we don’t.” Jeonghan wheezes.</p><p> </p><p>“...I’ll set up the mattress if you order food.”</p><p> </p><p>“Deal.”</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>The duo sits on their kitchen floor, digging into their takeout and scrolling through their phones. It's quiet, and peaceful until Jeonghan breaks the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“What time do we need to pick Minghao up?” Jeonghan asks around a mouthful of rice. </p><p> </p><p>Joshua grimaces. “You’re so fucking gross.” He mutters. “His flight lands at eight in the morning, so.”</p><p> </p><p>Xu Minghao is their third roommate. He’s a foreign student from Liaoning, China, and he met Jeonghan and Joshua when he was a first-year. It’s a very cute story (well, Jeonghan thinks it’s cute). Minghao got lost looking for one of the academic buildings, and Jeonghan and Joshua being the very kind and very gracious older students that they are, helped him out.</p><p> </p><p>Only, that “scared first-year” persona lasted for about two seconds and it turns out that Minghao gives absolutely no shit, he <em> will </em> tell it like it is. But despite his bluntness, he’s one of the wisest and sweetest people Jeonghan knows.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s so early,” Jeonghan grumbles. “By the way,” he pauses to take another bite. “We need to make a list for groceries tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you <em> please </em> not talk with your mouth full?” Joshua sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my only skill baby.” Jeonghan winks in response.</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking hate you.” Joshua rolls his eyes. “We gotta make sure to get soju.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan snickers. “That’s our priority? Alcohol?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bitch I’m living with <em> you, </em>yes it’s a priority.”</p><p> </p><p>Ah, maybe Jeonghan was right.</p><p> </p><p>This was a mistake.</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan lies awake on the air mattress. Joshua sleeps soundly next to him, but Jeonghan can’t get his mind to turn off.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t even know why, he just suddenly feels so awful. He’s anxious, he’s scared. He doesn’t want the semester to start, doesn’t want to deal with his professors or assignments or god forbid, his future.</p><p> </p><p>He tries taking a deep breath to calm himself down, but it’s useless.</p><p> </p><p><em> It will be fine, </em> he tells himself. <em> Everything will be okay. </em></p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan doesn’t get much sleep that night and Joshua pretends not to notice when Jeonghan is more tired than usual the next day.</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>A day or two later, Jeonghan trudges down to the basement of their building and heads to the laundry room. Their furniture came in and now both Joshua and Jeonghan can sleep in their respective bedrooms, but Joshua accidentally spilled a drink into Jeonghan’s box of bed sheets and comforters (don’t ask how), so Jeonghan gets the honor of doing his very first load of laundry in their new place.</p><p> </p><p>He carries his basket into the laundry room and sets it down in front of one of the machines. He stares at the buttons for a moment, processing and figuring out the features on the machine.</p><p> </p><p><em> Seems easy enough though, </em>Jeonghan thinks as he pulls his sleeves over his hands. </p><p> </p><p>He begins piling his sheets into the machine but startles when he hears the sound of the door opening. </p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol in all his cozy, pajama-clad glory, strolls in with an empty basket and looks surprised to see Jeonghan.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan smiles at him. “Second time’s the charm?”</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol laughs a little bit. “Guess so,” he replies as he makes his way over to the dryers next to Jeonghan. He reaches up to take his clothes out and Jeonghan tries not to stare at where Seungcheol’s black shirt is riding up, exposing a small patch of skin. </p><p> </p><p>The silence is a bit awkward as Jeonghan continues to stuff his sheets in the washing machine. He’s pouring in detergent and closing the door when Seungcheol takes his now full basket and starts to say goodbye.</p><p> </p><p><em> Ah fuck, </em> Jeonghan thinks as Seungcheol exits the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait!” Jeonghan calls out, and Seungcheol turns with a puzzled look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Um…” Jeonghan mumbles as he leans against the machine. “I need some help I... don’t really know how- which buttons... to... press...”</p><p> </p><p>He knows damn well which buttons “to press,” and he knows damn well that he sounds incredibly stupid, but if it means he might get Seungcheol in his bed, that is a risk he is willing to take.</p><p> </p><p>God...Joshua will never let him live this down. </p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol looks amused as he puts his own basket on the ground and walks over to Jeonghan. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan, who is still leaning against the machine, doesn’t move aside when Seungcheol comes over. His eyes are challenging.</p><p> </p><p>“Cold or warm?” Seungcheol asks, voice dropping to an octave a bit too low to be talking about laundry. </p><p> </p><p>“Warm,” Jeonghan says as he stares up at Seungcheol. They don’t break eye contact as Seungcheol presses the right buttons, and the machine starts. His hand’s only a centimeter away from Jeonghan’s waist.</p><p>The moment breaks.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol clears his throat. “T-There you go,” he stutters, the confident facade dropping, and he hurries to gather his basket. </p><p> </p><p>He offers Jeonghan a quick nod and scurries out of the room, leaving behind a very confused but very intrigued Jeonghan.</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>
  <strong>universe factory (3)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> just did a bad thing  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (8:21 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : what’s new </em></p><p>
  <em> (8:21 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : wht did u do </em></p><p>
  <em> (8:21 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> remember our cute neighbor  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (8:23 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : the one with “pretty lisp amd gorgeus eyes” </em></p><p>
  <em> (8:25 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : the one you wont stop crying over because he has a bf </em></p><p>
  <em> (8:25 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> plz </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but yea him </em>
</p><p>
  <em> um </em>
</p><p>
  <em> i think i flirted with him? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (8:30 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>uji</em> </b> <em> : even tho he has a boyfriend  </em></p><p>
  <em> (8:31 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> :(((( don’t be mean to me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but yes… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (8:31 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>gyu</em> </b> <em> : lmao hyugn  </em></p><p>
  <em> weak </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (8:32 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> shut up &gt;:( </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (8:33 pm) </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p> </p><p>“Han, can you chill? He’ll be here any second.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan tsks at Joshua. "Please. I’m excited to see him!” </p><p> </p><p>They’re at the airport early Sunday morning, and Jeonghan is bouncing in place as they wait for Minghao’s plane to land.</p><p> </p><p>Their apartment is finally completely furnished, even the furniture Minghao ordered and sent over arrived so the two set up his room for him (though Minghao will probably rearrange it but don’t tell them that). Everything is officially in place, the only thing missing is Minghao himself.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan scans the people coming out of the plane with anxious eyes. They haven’t seen Minghao all summer since he’s been at home with his mom, and Jeonghan is really looking forward to having another homosexual in the apartment. </p><p> </p><p>He stands up on his tiptoes to see over the crowd, he spots a familiar black mullet.</p><p> </p><p>“There he-!” Jeonghan doesn’t even get to finish as Joshua <em> bolts </em> and all but tackles Minghao in a hug.</p><p> </p><p>And he tells Jeonghan to chill.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan huffs but runs over to a disgruntled Minghao and an over-enthusiastic Joshua.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gonna suffocate him,” Jeonghan tells him as he pries Joshua off. Minghao rolls his eyes at the two, but the small smile on his face says that he’s missed them just as much as they’ve missed him.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan hugs him too, and Minghao awkwardly pats his back. “Hi!” Jeonghan giggles over Minghao’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi hyungs,” Minghao says, amused. They pull apart.</p><p> </p><p> “It’s good to see you. I like the blonde,” he comments and nods towards Jeonghan’s hair. “Looks better in person.”</p><p> </p><p>“The apartment looks better in person too,” Joshua whines as he tugs on Minghao’s luggage. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan grins.</p><p> </p><p> “Let’s go home?”</p><p> </p><p>They head to Jeonghan’s car, Joshua and Minghao bickering the entire way. Joshua tries to carry Minghao’s luggage and Minghao insists he can carry it on his own because “<em> stop pretending you’re a gentleman, hyung.” </em></p><p> </p><p>As Jeonghan sits in the driver's seat ready to take them all home, he can’t help but feel a sense of dread in his stomach. It feels like something bad is going to happen, but he doesn’t know what.</p><p> </p><p>He feels kind of awful.</p><p> </p><p>He pushes it away quickly while Joshua plugs in his phone and <em> Roxanne </em> plays through the speakers for the hundredth time.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahahaha....oh to flirt over laundry........<br/>um...hi! this is my first ~chaptered~ svt fic and im rly excited abt it! i am kind of viewing this fic as a way for me to experiment with my writing and my style (so, sorry if things get a bit wonky)  but um yeah hehe<br/>i hope u enjoyed this, and thank u for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the semester starts and jeonghan forgets how to act (or breathe)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! really quick before we start i thought i should mention that since this is jeonghan's pov there will be a lot of ~negative thoughts~ and rather explicit depressing and self-loathing dialogue? so just please keep that in mind since this chapter doesn't start off that good. ok, thank you and i hope u enjoy!</p><p>ALSO I FORGOT TO ADD GROUP CHAT NAMES IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER BUT THEY ARE THERE NOW OK THANK U</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are times where Jeonghan feels like he doesn’t know how to talk to people. He feels like he’s doing something wrong by just...Speaking. By just existing.</p><p>He stares at his wine glass sitting on the coffee table and wonders if others can see right through him. If Minghao or Joshua notice that sometimes (right now), he’s just a shell of a person.</p><p>On autopilot.</p><p>Barely there.</p><p>Barely anywhere.</p><p>He doesn’t even know what he’s saying, can’t hear the words that come out of his mouth but it’s enough for his roommates to laugh and act like they enjoy his presence. </p><p>(Is it enough?)</p><p>God.</p><p>He doesn’t want to be here.</p><p>He is so tired.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>The weekend before the semester starts finds Jeonghan and Joshua lying vertically on Joshua’s striped covers. Jeonghan’s head slightly hangs off the end of the bed with Joshua’s mismatched socked feet a few inches away from him. </p><p>Joshua scrolls away on Instagram, liking posts from friends and family in LA, and Jeonghan is catching up on his sister’s newfound adventures in nail art when Minghao walks in.</p><p>“Hey, Junnie wants to come say hi.” He says as he types something on his own phone.</p><p>“Junnie? He’s here?” Joshua asks, lifting his head off his pillow to look at Minghao.</p><p>“Yeah!” Minghao grins. “He got in yesterday, he’s on the tenth floor actually.”</p><p>Junnie or <em> Jun </em>is another foreign student from Shenzhen, China and he met Minghao when he was leading the orientation session Minghao attended. For someone who carried himself with such confidence, Jun is actually quite shy. But Minghao is nothing if not persistent, and he broke Jun out of his shell pretty quickly.</p><p>Jeonghan thinks Jun is a bit of a brat, a bit too loud, a bit too stubborn, but he loves him. After all, his childishness brings Minghao out of his comfort zone, and Minghao’s chillness grounds Jun. </p><p>Minghao likes to call them “best friends,” that sometimes make out when they’re drunk and more often than not fuck as “stress relief.”</p><p>Jeonghan thinks Minghao is too scared to tell Jun he wants to date him and instead pretends he’s fine with this non-exclusive arrangement.</p><p>Minghao thinks Jeonghan should shut the fuck up.</p><p>But aside from all that, Jun is really, really lovely and it’s always nice to see friends after a long time. </p><p>Which is why he has no objections when about ten minutes later there’s a series of loud, excited knocks on their front door and Minghao opens the door to a slender brunette that immediately envelops him in a hug.</p><p>“Hi!” Jun greets, borderline bouncing up and down out of excitement. He moves on to hug Joshua, and then Jeonghan who wraps his arms around him tightly and giggles when Jun swings them side to side. </p><p>The four settle onto the blue couch in their living room, and Jun tells them about his roommates.</p><p>“Wonwoo...He’s kind of quiet, but he’s nice!” He says as he plays with the corner of one of their couch cushions. “And Soonyoungie is louder than me.” </p><p>Minghao snorts from his spot. “I find that hard to believe.”</p><p>Jun rolls his eyes. “It’s true. But they’re really cool, maybe you guys can meet them sometime.”</p><p>Joshua nods. “That’d be chill.”</p><p>Jeonghan watches them converse and thinks about others who live in their building. Particularly about someone who lives right across from them.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>The semester starts on an unexpectedly rainy day, and Jeonghan finds it kind of funny.</p><p><em> How accurate, </em> he thinks as he stares at his ceiling and tries to gather the courage to get out of bed.</p><p>He doesn’t really want to think too much about his classes today, his current goals are to just sit in the back of his lecture halls and hope no one notices he exists.</p><p>Joshua would scold him, tell him to sit in the front, and “participate,” and try and make friends with other students, but Jeonghan simply doesn’t have the energy.</p><p>Nonetheless, he drags himself out of his room and walks into the kitchen. Joshua is already brewing himself a cup of coffee and offers one to Jeonghan when he sits down at their tiny dining table. Jeonghan thanks him softly, and watches as Joshua makes his own breakfast, moving quickly since he has the earliest class out of the three.</p><p>Their refrigerator is already covered in magnets and multi-colored sticky notes with reminders ranging from <em>buy milk </em>to <em>j</em><em>oshua hong stop snoring challenge (srsly plz stop we share a wall) </em> in Minghao’s curly script.</p><p>Minghao is still asleep since he doesn’t have class until noon, and Jeonghan envies him.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>An hour later, he’s locking the door to their apartment when he hears the door across from him open. Seungcheol steps out and Jeonghan thinks the universe is seriously messing with right now because <em> really? Three times? </em></p><p>Seungcheol greets him with a small smile, but it isn’t like last time. It’s off. A bit awkward. Kind of forced and Jeonghan has to fight back the feeling that it’s because he did something wrong (even though he looks cute as fuck right now because he owed it to himself to look good at least.)</p><p>“Headed to class?” Jeonghan asks awkwardly and silently curses at himself. Come on, he has better game than this.</p><p>“Yeah,” Seungcheol nods but doesn’t say anything else.</p><p>Jeonghan bites his lip and tries to figure out how to get rid of the tension, but Seungcheol is already walking down the hallway, offering him a wave as he leaves.</p><p>Today is not Jeonghan’s day.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>
  <b>gays and their resident himbo (3)</b>
</p><p>
  <em> operation ‘get dicked down by hot neighbor’ is not going well </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (11:56 am) </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>fucke</em>
    <em>r</em>
  </strong>
  <em><strong>:</strong> Didn’t you say two days? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:01 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> yeah and </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:01 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>fucker</em></b>
  <em><strong>:</strong> It’s been longer than that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:01 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yeah </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:01 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>hao &lt;3</em></b>
  <em>: it’s too early to talk about sex </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:02 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> it’s noon?? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:02 pm) </em>
</p><p><em><b> hao &lt;3</b>:</em> <em>too early for anything </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:03 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em><strong> fucker:</strong></em> <em>Aren’t you in class? </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:03 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em><b> hao &lt;3</b>:</em> <em>yes </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:03 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em><b> fucker</b>:</em> <em>Get off your phone. </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:04 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em><b> hao &lt;3</b></em>: <em>no </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:04 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ok well </em>
</p><p>
  <em>  just wanted to update u guys </em>
</p><p>
  <em> since ur so fucking nosy </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:09 pm) </em>
</p><p><em><b> hao &lt;3</b>:</em> <em>this may come as a shock to u hyung </em></p><p>
  <em> but not everyone cares abt ur failed dick appointments </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:11 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> … </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:12 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> u are no longer my favorite roommate </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:14 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>hao &lt;3: </em> </b> <em> yeah yeah </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:16 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em><b> fucker</b>:</em> <em>Ok, my turn. </em></p><p>
  <em> There’s a cute girl in my bio class. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What do I do? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:30 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> arent u her TA? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ~scandalous~ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (12:31 pm) </em>
</p><p><em><b> fucker</b>:</em> <em>Sigh. </em></p><p>
  <em> (12:34 pm) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Halfway through the first week and Jeonghan already needs to take a breather. He’s in line at a cute and cozy coffee shop with Joshua off-campus, but it’s close enough that mainly students work there. The barista who takes their orders is incredibly tall and just as handsome. He doesn’t seem to stop grinning or…Wiggling. Kind of like a puppy.</p><p>“Hi!” He greets, with a heart-shaped smile showing off canine teeth. “What can I get you two today?”</p><p>Joshua hums, tapping his lips with his fingers in thought. “I’ll get a medium chai latte.” He turns to Jeonghan. “What do you want?”</p><p>“A mint tea please.”</p><p>The barista nods and writes down their orders in his notepad. “Okay, and what are your names?”</p><p>“Joshua.”</p><p>“And Jeonghan.”</p><p>The barista pauses for a moment when they tell him their names, and Jeonghan tries not to think much of it as they pay and wait at the other end of the counter for their drinks.</p><p>When they get their drinks, they find an empty table in a corner of the cafe and sit down, taking a moment to pause before they actually start studying.</p><p>Jeonghan is an advertising major and Joshua is a biology major on the pre-med track, and while Jeonghan’s workload isn’t as heavy as Joshua’s, his professors seem to hate him and decided to assign him a million things to get done by the end of the week.</p><p>(He is so overwhelmed.)</p><p>“How’s your bio class?” Jeonghan asks as he peers out the window next to their table.</p><p>Joshua takes a sip of his latte before answering. “It’s fine. Introductory bio class and all that, the students seem…Fine.” He shrugs.</p><p>Jeonghan smiles into his drink. “And the cute girl?”</p><p>Joshua rolls his eyes. “She’s a foreign student too. Leave me alone.” He whines.</p><p>Jeonghan laughs. “Is that it?”</p><p>Joshua shrugs again. “I don’t know…It does feel weird to approach her, I guess. It’s fine.” He shakes his head. “I will…Try to not overthink it,” he finishes sheepishly.</p><p>Jeonghan nods in understanding.</p><p>“And you? Have you seen Seungcheol since Monday?”</p><p>Jeonghan sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t think he’s that interested in me anymore. It’s not a big deal, there are others.”</p><p>Joshua nods as he pulls out his laptop. “There are others.”</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>
  <b>universe factory (3)</b>
</p><p>
  <em> HYUGNNNNNNGGG </em>
</p><p>
  <em> guess who came in today~~~~ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (3:05 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungcheol-hyung</em></b>: <em> who?? </em></p><p>
  <em> (3:07 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> joenghan and his bf &gt;: ) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (3:07 pm) </em>
</p><p><b><em>seungcheol-hyung:</em></b> <em>:( and you felt the need to hurt me like this because</em></p><p>
  <em> (3:09 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> sorry sorry </em>
</p><p>
  <em> idk h ust thought it ewas funny </em>
</p><p>
  <em> u could b a homewrecker hyung </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (3:10 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>seungcheol-hyung</em></b>
  <em>: Mingyu wtf </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (3:10 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Jokes hokes </em>
</p><p>
  <em> oh shit manager noona is gonna yell at me ok bye </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (3:10 pm) </em>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Sometimes Jeonghan wishes he was a ghost. Just drifting in the world, completely invisible as people walk through him. Sometimes he wishes no one knew who he was, that he had no ties and no connections to anyone or anything. That he could just exist but no one would bother him.</p><p>His head feels so empty and so full at the same time.</p><p>That night, he wakes up four times before his alarm goes off, in one-hour intervals.</p><p>In the morning he sighs, and Minghao pours him a little more coffee than usual.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>“Do you guys want to go out tonight?” Minghao asks as he looks at his phone. “Jun says some people from uni are going to this club as some kind of ‘hey get to know your fellow students’ thing. His roommates are going as well.”</p><p>Joshua looks at Jeonghan and, well, the decision has already been made.</p><p>“Yes.” They say at the same time. Minghao smirks, amused, and shoots a text back to Jun, asking for the address.</p><p> </p><p>The lights at the club are low and tinted a deep red. The booming of the bass makes Jeonghan’s ears ring a little bit, but he’s excited. He feels good for once, he looks fucking hot, and he just wants to have fun and not fucking <em> think </em>for a moment.</p><p>He needs this right now, needs to let loose this weekend because it’s only been the first week but the semester is kicking his ass. </p><p>Minghao has already left them to try and find Jun, so Joshua decides to take initiative and leads Jeonghan to the dance floor with a hand on his waist and fingers that curl into his belt loops.</p><p>The shot they all took before they left is kicking in too. </p><p>They manage to find a decent spot within the crowd of sweaty, drunk, young adults, and Jeonghan giggles as Joshua twirls him around and settles behind him, hands resting on his waist. Jeonghan’s back is pressed tightly against Joshua’s chest, and they move against each other along to the beat of the R&amp;B song playing.</p><p>When Minghao finally decides that he’s given Jun enough attention, he joins his two roommates on the dance floor. </p><p>He comes up in front of Jeonghan and rests his hands on Jeonghan’s hips so that Jeonghan is stuck in the middle. A roommate sandwich, one could say. The fabric of Minghao’s mesh shirt scratches Jeonghan’s arms where they’re resting on his shoulders, so he wraps them around his neck instead. Joshua calls Jeonghan out for being an attention whore “like always,” but Jeonghan laughs loudly, feeling fucking amazing, and light and happy and-</p><p>Ouch. What the fuck?</p><p>Jeonghan stumbles into Minghao who grabs his arms to steady him. They turn to look at Joshua who just <em>shoved </em>Jeonghan away from him, only to see their friend staring at the entrance of the club.</p><p>At the said entrance of the club is a short girl in a green dress and Joshua can’t seem to take his eyes off her.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Ohhhhh.</p><p>“It’s the girl in my class,” Joshua informs them, confirming Jeonghan’s suspicions.</p><p>Jeonghan and Minghao exchange a glance because did he really need to push Jeonghan so forcefully? The girl isn’t even looking this way, too busy ordering drinks with her friends.</p><p>“Go talk to her you idiot,” Minghao says, still rubbing his shoulder from where Jeonghan knocked into it.</p><p>Joshua takes a deep breath. “Wish me luck,” he mutters as he straightens out his shirt. He kisses the two on the cheek in goodbye, and Minghao fixes his hair for him before he sends him off with a push.</p><p> Jeonghan sighs and Minghao snickers.</p><p>“Come on,” he says tugging on Jeonghan’s arm. “Jun has a table and he made some friends.”</p><p> </p><p>When Jeonghan arrives at the table Jun is at, he doesn’t expect to see the barista that served them earlier in the week there.</p><p>Actually, he doesn’t expect to see whatever it is that he’s seeing right now.</p><p>The barista has his arm wrapped around another brunette boy’s stomach, seemingly holding him back from fighting with someone? The boy is struggling to get out of what is probably an <em>iron grip</em>, and he kind of looks like he wants to punch whoever he’s talking to. The barista holding him back does not seem to be bothered by this struggle, casually keeps up his conversation with another boy sitting down and wearing round wire-rimmed glasses.</p><p>The blonde guy on the <em>other </em>side of the argument seems just as agitated.</p><p>Jeonghan literally has no idea what is going on here and by the looks of it neither does Minghao.</p><p>The one in glasses looks up and notices the two standing there. “Oh! Minghao you’re back,” he says, voice deeper than Jeonghan expected. “I’m Wonwoo,” he introduces himself. “You must be Jeonghan-hyung?”</p><p>“I am,” Jeonghan smiles back. “And you,” he turns to the barista, “took my order on Thursday.”</p><p>He giggles. “I did! Hello, I’m Mingyu. I guess if Wonwoo-hyung is calling you hyung, I probably should too. Sorry about. All this.” He says as he gestures to the boy he’s holding back. “Seungkwan has a tendency to try and fight anyone when he’s sober and when he’s drunk, well…”</p><p>At the sound of his name, the boy- <em> Seungkwan </em>falters and finally notices Jeonghan.</p><p>“Oh my god, sorry, <em> Hyung can you please let go of me- </em> Hi! Sorry! I’m Seungkwan!” Mingyu releases his hold on Seungkwan and he stumbles for a moment.</p><p>“Sorry, I promise I’m not this uh, <em> rattled</em>, normally. Soonyoung-hyung over here,” he nods towards the blonde he was arguing with, “decided to spread his shitty opinions about music and I will defend my girls with my life.”</p><p>Said <em> Soonyoung-hyung </em>just sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“Now that, that’s out of the way, have you seen Jun? I swear he can’t stay in one place for more than two fucking seconds.” </p><p>“I think he’s smoking with Hansol?” Wonwoo says.</p><p>Minghao nods, thanks him, and slinks off.</p><p>Jeonghan turns to Mingyu. “How do you know Junnie?” He asks.</p><p>“I met him through his roommate Soongyoung who I met through Seungkwan! Seungkwannie lives in the same building as us! Wait. You...Do too right? You live right across from me?”</p><p>Jeonghan tilts his head, confused. “Do I?”</p><p>“Do you? I’m Seungcheol-hyung’s roommate? He told me about you.”</p><p>“Oh! Seungcheol! Yeah, we live right across from you then, wow.”</p><p>Wait a minute.</p><p>“Seungcheol talks about me?”</p><p>Mingyu’s eyes widen and he looks caught, red-handed. “U-Um yeah just a little bit, he-“ He suddenly shuts his mouth because low and behold, Seungcheol has decided to grace them with his presence.</p><p>Speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that, right?</p><p>“He is…Here.” Mingyu finishes lamely, embarrassed at the thought of almost exposing his roommate to his crush.</p><p>Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at Mingyu and turns to Jeonghan.</p><p>“Hey, um. Sorry, can I steal you for a second? I need to talk to you about something,” He says.</p><p>“Um, yeah. Sure.” Jeonghan furrows his eyebrows.</p><p>Seungcheol leads him away from the others, and towards the area where the bathrooms are.</p><p>“Look, Sorry this is really awful and there’s no good wait to say this but, um, I think your boyfriend is cheating on you.”</p><p>Jeonghan frowns. “What?”</p><p>Seungcheol just silently points and Jeonghan follows his hand to see Joshua making out with the girl from earlier.</p><p>He moves fast. Props to him.</p><p>Hold on.</p><p>“Did you say, boyfriend?” He turns back to Seungcheol.</p><p>Seungcheol rubs the back of his head. “Y-Yeah? Is he not...Are you guys not dating?”</p><p>Holy shit.</p><p>Hoooooly shit.</p><p>Joshua is gonna have a field day, and on principle, Jeonghan is going to kill him.</p><p>“No, we just live together,” Jeonghan says and he can’t help but smile because <em>okay</em>, this is a <em> little </em>funny.</p><p>“Oh.” Seungcheol mumbles, turning red. “Fuck, sorry, this is kind of embarrassing.”</p><p>Jeonghan laughs. “No, it’s fine. You had good intentions, it’s sweet.”</p><p>Seungcheol looks at him for a moment. “Does that mean you’re single then?”</p><p>Jeonghan nods, and something in Seungcheol’s eyes changes.</p><p>Was this the problem the whole time? Was this why Seungcheol was acting weird with him because oh my god, Jeonghan is so over it. He is about to murder Joshua Hong for ruining these opportunities for him.</p><p>No, it is not Joshua’s fault, but that doesn’t matter.</p><p>“Can I buy you a drink?”</p><p> </p><p>If there’s one thing Jeonghan knows about himself, it’s that he’s attractive, and he will absolutely use it to his advantage, whenever he wants.</p><p>Like right now, with the way Seungcheol can’t stop staring at him, eyes following his hands, his lips, every small movement Jeonghan makes as they make small talk about school and life and-</p><p>“This is pretty,” Jeonghan whispers as he lightly tugs on the necklace Seungcheol is wearing. They’re close. So close, and Jeonghan looks up at Seungcheol under his eyelashes, and Seungcheol swallows.</p><p>“So are you,” he whispers back, his hand comes to lightly rest on Jeonghan’s thigh, and Jeonghan kisses him.</p><p>“I know,” he says against Seungcheol’s lips. “If you want to fuck me so bad, just ask.”</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>
  <b>gays and their resident himbo (3)</b>
</p><p>
  <em> im not coming home </em>
</p><p>
  <em> operation succeeded </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (1:16 am) </em>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>When Jeonghan wakes up early the next morning, a bit hungover and a bit more sore.</p><p>He takes a moment to just look at the body next to him. He watches the steady rise and fall of Seungcheol’s uncovered back and notices the faint, red scratches streaking down it. Jeonghan cringes and glances at his nails. Those will definitely sting later. He should’ve been more careful.</p><p>His mind flashbacks to the previous night. He thinks about how Seungcheol’s hands on his body, his wrists, his legs. The way he pressed Jeonghan into his bedroom door, and then later into his mattress with lips on his neck, saying Jeonghan’s name like it was a prayer. He was rough just the way Jeonghan liked it, but held him carefully, gently, as if he was something precious.</p><p>He winces as he sits up, and slowly gets dressed. He feels kind of like an asshole, leaving while Seungcheol is sleeping, so he looks over at Seungcheol’s desk and finds a sticky note and a pen.</p><p>
  <em> Thanks for last night. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I had fun &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>He doesn’t want to say “hey if you ever want to dick me down again, you know where to find me,” because it’s eight in the morning and his brain is half awake but thinking much harder than it should, so he decides on a heart, and tries not to think about how maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t mind doing this again.</p><p><em> It doesn’t have to mean anything. Chill. </em>He tells himself.</p><p>He leaves the sticky note on the pillow he slept on and slips out the door.</p><p>When he gets back to his own apartment, he has breakfast and changes into something more comfortable. He collapses onto his bed, intending to take a well-deserved nap, but he smiles to himself when he remembers where he was earlier.</p><p>As he drifts off, he can’t stop thinking about Seungcheol’s lips. His everything.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey...how yall doin...<br/>sorry this took longer than i intended but this semester is also kicking my ass and my brain decided to do that fun and quirky thing where its like pee pee poo poo you cant write.<br/>anyway<br/>hehe i hope u enjoyed jeonghan and his successful dick appointments, see u in the next chapter that hopefully wont take as long!</p><p>also! chapter titles are songs i listened to as i wrote them !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. oh! my mistake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>befriending half of the people who live in your apartment building is something that can actually be so personal. and that's exactly what jeonghan does.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi hi really quick there are some Not Good, Very Bad thoughts in this chapter that kind of...reference death...and there's a panic attack..kind of...sort of... (jeonghan is not having a good time). so please just keep that in mind!!</p><p>also, there is usage of the f slur but it's used by a gay character as a group chat name however if it's a problem i will definitely change it.</p><p>ok, that's all i think! hope u enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>universe factory (3)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu:</em> </b> <em> sa w someone leave ur room hyugn </em></p><p>
  <em> did u take my homewrcking advce </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (11:10 am) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> well </em>
</p><p><em>jeonghan is</em> <em>single</em></p><p>
  <em> joshua wasnt his boyfriend </em>
</p><p>
  <em> so </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (11:11 am) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>gyu:</em> </b> <em> yooooooo </em></p><p>
  <em> (11:11 am) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> plz &gt;&lt; </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (11:12 am) </em>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>The next week Jeonghan wakes up for his class, and for a split second, he wishes he didn’t wake up at all.</p><p>The thought comes and goes so quickly, but it’s enough to shake him. It’s scary. Terrifying. Reminds him of a different time where he felt like he was drowning in the dark sea of his own mind because everything was too dull and numb and he couldn’t even tell anyone, couldn’t move his lips to form the words because he was so ashamed and-</p><p>No.</p><p>No.</p><p>Get it together.</p><p>He will <em> not </em> lose himself. He will be <em> fine. </em> H e <em> will </em> survive this semester.</p><p>(He has to.)</p><p>He doesn’t know why he feels so…Tired this morning. So depre- sad. So sad.</p><p>The past weekend was really fun and he had a good time with Seungcheol. Even though now he’s freaking out about running into him and what that could even mean. It’s chill. This isn’t new territory for him, but god his brain is too much this morning, making him overthink things that just don’t fucking matter.</p><p>He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and just like all of last week, he drags himself out of bed. He gets dressed, he eats breakfast, he walks to class, and he tries to breathe.</p><p>But it feels like everyone is staring at him, and he can’t do this. He just wants to go back to bed, and curl up and cry, because he can’t fucking breathe.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Tuesday evening finds Jeonghan on the strangely damp first floor of the Fine Arts building, waiting for Minghao to finish up his studio work.</p><p><em> ‘It’s been more than fifteen minutes dude…’ </em>He thinks as he scrolls through social media, liking pictures of bunnies and cats from the copious amounts of animal accounts he follows.</p><p>“Oh, hyung!” A voice calls.</p><p>Jeonghan glances up from his phone to see Seungkwan standing in front of him.</p><p>“I-It’s Seungkwan! Sorry, I wasn’t sure if you remembered me or not…” Seungkwan trails off and glances at the ground, suddenly shy. </p><p>It’s a very different image from the guy who tried to claw Jun’s roommate’s face off last weekend.</p><p>Jeonghan smiles softly and nods. “I do.” He says. “Hi, Seungkwan. How are you?”</p><p>“I’m good! Good. You know...Hanging in there…” He laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his head. “I just um, wanted to um apologize for the <em> awful </em>first impression you must have of me. Sorry. I was very drunk and I’m so embarrassed.”</p><p>Jeonghan blinks.</p><p>“Oh, gosh, you don’t need to apologize. Don’t even worry about that really. Trust me, I’ve seen worse.” Jeonghan leans in and whispers conspiratorially, adding a wink at the end.</p><p>He is not kidding. He lives with Joshua Hong.</p><p>Seungkwan visibly brightens and sighs in relief. “Thank god, I’ve been thinking about that all day.”</p><p>Jeonghan shakes his head. “No, you’re totally fine.”</p><p>Seungkwan wipes his forehead and pretends to flick away sweat. He’s quiet for a moment, shifting his weight before he asks Jeonghan something. </p><p>“Actually...This weekend I’m having a get together at my place if you want to come? I can text you the details, if- oh- I don’t have your number. Sorry. I hope that isn’t weird. I promise I’m not hitting on you. I have a boyfriend Hansol and I should...Really shut up now.” He sighs and hangs his head.</p><p>Jeonghan can’t help but laugh a little bit. It’s cute seeing him so flustered. Seungkwan is adorable.</p><p>“You don’t have to be so nervous. Here’s my number, text me about it okay?”</p><p>He takes Seungkwan’s phone and adds his number into his contact list. He returns the phone to Seungkwan and looks up to see Minghao approaching, canvas bag hanging off his shoulder.</p><p>“Ah, Minghao is here, so I have to go but text me, okay? Seriously!” He tells Seungkwan and turns to meet Minghao at the end of the hall.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Jeonghan pouts as he stares at the orange stickers on Jun’s laptop. He’s tired and cranky and he feels like being annoying this evening.</p><p>“Junnieee.” He whines quietly to not disturb the other students at the library. Jun looks up from the script he was busy writing and rolls his eyes at Jeonghan’s antics.</p><p>“Hyung, shut up and do your work.” </p><p>Jeonghan scoffs at Jun’s response. “Is that any way to talk to a <em> hyung!? </em>I deserve an apology. And coffee.”</p><p>Jun sighs and glares at Jeonghan. “If you stop whining and actually finish your project you can sleep early and you won’t need coffee at 11 PM.” </p><p>Jeonghan groans. “I hate that you have an actual, logical point. When did you become mature.”</p><p>Jun giggles. “The tables have turned tonight Jeonghan-hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>When Jun doesn’t say anything else, Jeonghan looks up at him worriedly.</p><p>“Are you alright?” He asks.</p><p>Jun quirks his lips and picks at his cuticles for a second.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s just...I don’t know where I am with Minghao. And you know him, he isn’t always one to say something, you know?”</p><p>Yeah, Jeonghan knows.</p><p>“What do you mean, ‘where you are’?” Jeonghan asks.</p><p>“Like...I don’t know what he wants? We just hang out and...you know, fuck, and cuddle but we aren’t dating. Technically we aren't even exclusive and I...don’t know if he wants to date? I don't know. I’m overthinking this.”</p><p>Jeonghan hums. “Have you talked to him about it?”</p><p>Jun pouts. “No, I’m too nervous.”</p><p>Jeonghan nods. He gets it.</p><p>“Minghao would never judge you though, you know that. And you can’t scare him away that easily either. If it helps you clear your mind, you should bring it up.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah...I know you’re right.”</p><p>Jeonghan rests his cheek on his hand and smiles at him. “It’ll be okay. Just talk to him.”</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Jun, stubborn as ever, does not talk to Minghao.</p><p>Jeonghan realizes this as he paints his nails lavender while sitting on their living room floor one night. Joshua has chosen a pastel pink, and Minghao is going for a forest green.</p><p>Minghao offhandedly mentions Jun acting a bit odd, a bit too quiet, a bit too distant, and he doesn’t know why.</p><p>Jeonghan sighs internally but the subject is quickly changed to the Japanese student in Joshua’s class.</p><p>“She gave me her number,” Joshua sighs dreamily as he waits for his hand to dry. “She’s so pretty.”</p><p>Minghao and Jeonghan exchange a glance and Minghao giggles as Jeonghan pretends to gag.</p><p>“You’re fucking whipped man,” Jeonghan mutters. “You’ve only seen her once.” </p><p>“Um, I see her every week technically. And I did see her after that night dude, I got coffee with her in the morning.”</p><p>“Oh right, you weren’t home,” Minghao smirks, painting careful strokes on to his pinky nail.</p><p>“Yeah, he was too busy getting his back blown- OW!”</p><p>“Can you shut the fuck up? Are you genuinely incapable of keeping your mouth closed?” Jeonghan growls, hoping he didn’t ruin his freshly painted nails from smacking Joshua’s shoulder.</p><p>“You did not have to hit me that hard.”</p><p>“You deserved it.”</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Jeonghan wakes up one, two, three, <em> four </em>, times in the middle of the night. Each time he glances at the digital clock on his bedside table, and he wants to cry when he sees that only an hour has passed since he last checked, and then only thirty minutes, and then only twenty.</p><p>He pretends it’s fine, pretends he isn’t scared that this is happening again after doing well for a good year or two. Pretends that it’s fine.</p><p>That he’s fine.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>The end of the week comes as a healing balm for Jeonghan, and he decides to reward himself with hot tea after class from what is quickly becoming his favorite coffee shop. He greets Mingyu, who gives him a toothy grin and a little puppy doodled onto the corner of the cup he serves Jeonghan’s tea in. </p><p>“You look nice, hyung!” He says.</p><p>Jeonghan raises an eyebrow at him. “Were you checking me out Mingyu?” He teases, tilting his head to the side.</p><p>Mingyu sputters and turns red, scrambling to answer.</p><p>Jeonghan just laughs, throws him a bone, and waves him off. “I'm kidding. Thank you. I’ll see you around.”</p><p>“S-see you Jeonghan-hyung,” Mingyu stutters, embarrassed.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>
  <b> <em>seungkwan added you to the chat (9)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan:</em> </b> <em> hi everyone!!! </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:02 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number: </em> </b> <em> what is this </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:03 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number: </em> </b> <em> a chat for sexy bitches  </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:03 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan:</em> </b> <em> we’re having a little get together at our place!! to ease off the stressful semester. </em></p><p>
  <em> i didn’t have everyone’s numbers but add your roommates and friends if you want! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:05 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>unknown number added unknown number to the chat (10)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number: </em> </b> <em> huh </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:07 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number: </em> </b> <em> scroll </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:07 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> oh </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:07 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>you added fucker and hao &lt;3 to the chat (12)</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>unknown number added unknown number to the chat (13)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan:</em> </b> <em> that’s everyone right? </em></p><p>
  <em> hiiiii scroll up if u were just added </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:10 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> wait can we say our names plz. i dont knkw egos who </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:11 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number: </em> </b> <em> egos who? </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:11 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> im gsy idj how 2 type </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:12 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number: </em> </b> <em> damn </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:13 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan:</em> </b> <em> well im seungkwan ! </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:14 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> jihoon. </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:14 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> soonyoung babeyyy </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:15 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> Chan! </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:15 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown:</em> </b> <em> hansol  </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:15 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>junnie:</em> </b> <em> junhui &lt;3 </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:16 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>hao &lt;3:</em> </b> <em> minghao  </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:16 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>fucker:</em> </b> <em> Joshua </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:17 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> hi im mingyuuu </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:17 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> wonwoo  </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:17 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> Seokmin! :D </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:17 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> jeonghan </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:19 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>unknown number:</em> </b> <em> seungcheol :) </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:19 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>seungkwan named the chat “fag discourse” (13)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>soonyoung: </em> </b> <em> lmaoooo </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:20 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>chan:</em> </b> <em> there might be straight people here </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:21 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan:</em> </b> <em> ew </em></p><p>
  <em> kick them out </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:21 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>hansol:</em> </b> <em> dude </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:21 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan:</em> </b> <em> kidding kidding </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:22 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>soonyoung named the chat “fuck cishets this is fag dicourse” (13)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>jihoon:</em> </b> <em> you spelled discourse wrong</em></p><p>
  <em>(6:23 pm)</em>
</p><p><b> <em>soonyoung: </em> </b> <em> welp </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:23 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan</em> </b> <em> : anyway </em></p><p>
  <em> does saturday around 8 work for everyone? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:23 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>fucker</em> </b> <em> : Yeah, we will be there. </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:24 pm) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> we can bring drinks </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:24 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungcheol</em> </b> <em> : so can i! </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:25 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>soonyoung</em> </b> <em> : hyungs coming in clutch!! </em></p><p>
  <em> We’ll be there too seungkwannie &lt;3 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:25 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan</em> </b> <em> : ew dont call me that </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:26 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>soonyoung</em> </b> <em> : ok seungkwannie </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:26 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan</em> </b> <em> : . </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:27 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>junnie</em> </b> <em> : yeah we can come too!! </em></p><p>
  <em> (6:28 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>seungkwan</em> </b> <em> : oh perfect!!  </em></p><p>
  <em> Im excited see u all there!! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (6:29 pm) </em>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Joshua, Minghao, and Jeonghan stand in front of a wooden door with a plastic bag full of bottles in their hands. The gold numbers on the door read ‘612.’</p><p>Seungkwan opens the door and through the doorway, they can see a dim apartment, only lit up by the pink LED lights surrounding the ceiling.</p><p>“Hi! Come in, come in,” Seungkwan gestures for them to enter and steps aside so they can walk inside.</p><p>Jeonghan spots Seungcheol sitting on the couch and talking to Mingyu, and he pretends he isn’t <em> completely </em>checking out the way his plush lips move as he speaks, or his cute eyes, or his pretty smile.</p><p>Mingyu waves them over when he sees them. “Hi, guys! How have you been?”</p><p>“We’re good!” Joshua beams. “Can we sit with you?”</p><p>“Of course, of course!” Mingyu moves aside to give them space on the couch. Jeonghan ends up next to Seungcheol and tries not to focus on the way their legs are pressed together.</p><p>He is both incredibly nervous and very excited at the same time. He had to calm down before they left because he knew Seungcheol would be there, but after seeing him again in person, he thinks that maybe what’s happening right now isn’t so bad.</p><p>Joshua and Seungcheol unfortunately hit it off devastatingly well, something that is very dangerous for Jeonghan. Seungcheol is funny, and he’s sweet, and he’s cute, and probably trouble for Jeonghan, but Jeonghan doesn’t have the energy to care about that right now. </p><p>Eventually, everyone who was invited shows up, and Jeonghan finally gets to meet the rest of the guys. Seokmin is the living definition of sunshine, Soonyoung is the funniest person he’s met so far, Hansol has an adorable gummy smile (that’s often directed towards Seungkwan), Jihoon is a goddamn intellect that Jeonghan has some trouble keeping up with him, and Chan is so talented and so earnest. Everyone is really cool so far.</p><p>Chan pulls out a game of Jenga that he’s turned into a drinking game. If the tower falls, the loser has to chug the mixed drink Soonyoung has concocted. Besides that, there are little dares written on each Jenga block, and if someone refuses, they have to take a sip.</p><p>Jeonghan is a lot of things. He’s anxious, he’s a little insecure, he’s a worrier, but when it comes to games and <em> winning, </em> he has no shame at all. It’s what makes game nights between him and Joshua living hell.</p><p>That’s why Jeonghan does not let up. He pulls his blocks out carefully and does every dare he gets. He ends up sitting in Wonwoo’s lap for one round, he has to kiss Minghao for a full minute for another round, and he even gets the delightful opportunity to compliment Seungcheol and insult Joshua at the same time when he pulls a block out labelled “two-faced.” </p><p>By the time Jun topples the tower and is declared the official loser of the game, Jeonghan, Joshua, Seungcheol, and Jihoon are probably the most sober out of the thirteen. </p><p>They end up playing mafia as well. Jihoon, Joshua, and Hansol get chosen as the mafia by Mingyu, with Jeonghan being the doctor and Chan being the police officer. The mafia surprisingly wins, because for some reason everyone was convinced that Jeonghan was one of the members too despite him trying to convince them that he wasn’t. For a while, Chan accuses Seungkwan too, and Jeonghan notices that for a moment it gets a bit <em> too </em> intense, it seems like there’s something more to it than just the game. But it isn’t any of his business so he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>Slowly, he feels like he’s shutting off just a bit. Feels a bit too tired, a bit too drained. He tells the others this and is the first to leave. A chorus of “aww” and “bye-hyung! It was nice meeting you!” follows him out the door until another voice suddenly pops up.</p><p>“Hey wait,” Seungcheol jogs over to where Jeonghan is grabbing his jacket. “...Can I walk you back to your apartment?”</p><p>Jeonghan pauses. </p><p>On one hand, he is very tired and kind of wants to spend time alone. On the other hand, he’s horny.</p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>Jeonghan wonders if the others notice that Seungcheol doesn’t end up coming back.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>This time Seungcheol ends up in Jeonghan’s bed, and just like last time Jeonghan is the first to wake up. He stretches and clears his throat a few times. He pulls on a hoodie and sweatpants and goes to make some coffee.</p><p>Minghao and Joshua are sitting at the table eating, and they immediately start giggling when Jeonghan walks in. </p><p>Jeonghan rolls his eyes at his annoying roommates. “Shut up-“ </p><p>“Holy <em> shit. </em>”</p><p>“Your voice is <em> fucked </em>.”</p><p>Jeonghan’s eyes widen and he touches his throat. </p><p>His voice is a bit too hoarse for it to be from just waking up, and his cheeks turn red as he remembers the real reason his throat is in its current state.</p><p>Joshua and Minghao can’t help but burst out in laughter, throwing their heads back or covering their mouths with their hands. Jeonghan scowls at them as he pours himself and Seungcheol some coffee and heads back into his bedroom. </p><p>Seungcheol seems to be just waking up and Jeonghan watches as he blearily looks around, squinting and rubbing the gunk out of his eyes. </p><p>“Hi,” Jeonghan whispers, handing him a mug. Seungcheol smiles at him and accepts the mug and Jeonghan sits cross-legged in front of him, appreciating the morning view.</p><p>“Hi,” Seungcheol whispers back after taking a sip. “Your voice is um...Rough. Did I do that?” He asks, eyes wide.</p><p>Jeonghan stares at him, deadpan. “Yes. You did. Are you happy? Did that make you feel good?”</p><p>Seungcheol giggles. “Just a little bit.” </p><p>Jeonghan rolls his hides but he hides a tiny smile behind his mug. </p><p>“So listen,” Seungcheol starts, putting his mug on the bedside table. “I had a really good time last night, and, I kind of like you, and I wouldn’t mind doing this again but….You know it doesn’t have to be anymore than just hooking up,” he says, gesturing between the two. “We can just...um...Hang out. And. Fuck. If you would be down for that. It doesn’t have to be like a big deal.”</p><p>Jeonghan nods and pulls the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands.</p><p>It’s very relieving to know that there are no expectations right now.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s...pretty ideal for me.” He responds.</p><p>Seungcheol grins and Jeonghan can’t help but smile back</p><p>“So, do you want breakfast?”</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>They end up seeing each other more and more often over the next week or two. They’ve evolved from spending time in each other’s bedrooms to spending time in each other’s living rooms, doing homework together with Jihoon, Mingyu, Joshua, Minghao, or whoever else is in their respective apartments at the time.</p><p>Jeonghan also has... more friends now. He ends up getting lunch with Hansol one day of the week after bumping into him and hangs out in an empty dance studio with Chan on another day.</p><p>His phone also gets ten times more notifications than before, because Seungkwan, Soonyoung, and Seokmin insist on texting them the most <em> random </em> shit in the group chat</p><p>It’s...a lot, but Jeonghan isn't too mad about it.</p><p>Joshua also sees more and more of the girl from his bio class and Jeonghan finally learns that her name is Himari. </p><p>Jun still doesn't talk to Minghao about his issue, and this doesn't really seem to be a problem until Seokmin, Joshua, and Jeonghan decide to visit (bother) Mingyu at his place of work.</p><p>-</p><p>“Is Minghao single?” Seokmin blurts out, starling both Jeonghan and Joshua. Before Jeonghan can say anything, Joshua answers.</p><p>“To be honest, I don’t know. Why?”</p><p>Seokmin blushes and absentmindedly stirs his drink. “He’s...Very pretty.” He mumbles. “Should I just ask him?”</p><p>“That would probably be best,” Joshua says and he changes the subject before Jeonghan can even process what just happened. </p><p>Oh, this might not be good.</p><p>-</p><p>Turns out, Seokmin moves faster than Jeonghan expected him to</p><p>
  <b> <em>gays and their resident himbo (3)</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>hao &lt;3:</em> </b> <em> so i just ran into seokmin-hyung </em></p><p>
  <em> why did he ask me out </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (4:45 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>fucker:</em> </b> <em> Oops. </em></p><p>
  <em> (4:50 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>hao &lt;3:</em> </b> <em> wtf do u mean oops </em></p><p>
  <em> (4:51 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>fucker</em> </b> <em> : He talked to us about you.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Asked us if you were so I told him to just ask. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (4:54 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>hao &lt;3:</em> </b> <em> hm </em></p><p>
  <em> (4:56 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>fucker:</em> </b> <em> How do you feel about it? </em></p><p>
  <em> (4:57 pm) </em>
</p><p><b> <em>hao &lt;3:</em> </b> <em> i dont even know </em></p><p>
  <em> i mean hes cute </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but jun </em>
</p><p>
  <em> fuck i cant think about this right now </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (4:58 pm) </em>
</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>Jeonghan giggles as Seungcheol presses him into the kitchen counter. His hands wrap around Jeonghan’s waist and back as he kisses him.</p><p>Jeonghan cups Seungcheol’s cheek, and let's Seungcheol kiss him harder. His grip gets tighter, and lower and-</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me?”</p><p>The two freeze, and pull away with a pop that makes Jihoon grimace.</p><p>Seungcheol clears his throat, his face heating up and he turns to Jihoon. “I-I thought you were in class.” He stutters.</p><p>Jihoon scowls. “My class got canceled. I came in here to get food but for some weird reason, I seem to have lost my appetite.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Jeonghan mumbles and hides his face in Seungcheol’s shoulder.</p><p>Jihoon sighs. “It’s okay, just remember this is a shared space, Seungcheol-hyung.” And with that, he walks off. </p><p>Jeonghan covers his mouth with his hands and the two can’t help but cackle.</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p>The temperature slowly starts to drop, signaling the end of September and the beginning of both October as well as midterm season. </p><p>Jeonghan wakes up, cries a little bit for no good reason, and wonders if he should just drop out.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>consistency? baby i dont even know what that is!</p><p>i wrote most of this on my phone at 2am with kurtis conner videos playing in the background so as u can see i am losing my mind.</p><p>also funny story about the f*g discourse thing. a friend of mine had to read a journal or an article for her sociology class and it was about how people used the word "gay" as an insult or just in language in general i think and the title of that article was "f*g discourse" and like ngl i thought it was so funny and kind of perfect for a group chat name</p><p>alright, that's all! i hope u enjoyed this chapter and if ur sexy maybe leave a comment ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. washing machine heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>studying, studying, more studying, and a birthday party that ends with more self-loathing than it should have.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*crawls out of hole* aha...ahaha...h-hey guys 🥴 hope u guys are uhhhh doing well.....um....sorry this took a million years! i had some trouble ~getting my brain back~ dare i say, but it bothered me that i haven’t updated in months so today i offer u this mediocre chapter. tomorrow? who knows.</p><p>hope u are all having a good new year tho!!!! </p><p>and as always, there are no good very bad thoughts in this chapter (i wouldn’t necessarily say suicidal ideation but just a general uhhh “i don’t wanna be alive” type of vibe...you know...)</p><p>and also warning for the f slur in this chapter, as it is used as their group chat name</p><p>ok, that’s all! thank u and enjoy &lt;3 (and also sorry if i missed any mistakes)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So…” Minghao sighs, flopping face-first onto the couch and startling Jeonghan and Joshua from their place in the kitchen. “I did something stupid,” Minghao mumbles, his voice muffled by the cushions.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...What did you do?” Joshua asks, taking a bite out of the chocolate chip cookie he was holding. Jeonghan watches as Joshua then gets crumbs all over his laptop keyboard and cringes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I told Seokmin I’d go out with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Jeonghan looks up from his textbook. “You what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You heard me,” Minghao grumbles as he</span>
  <span> rolls</span>
  <span> onto his back and stares at the living room ceiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Jun?” Joshua asks, peering over his screen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We...Aren’t exclusive. I mean. I don’t know. Seokmin is cute and I just…I don’t know! I like Jun, but I kind of want to branch out I guess. Ugh. I wanted to be stupid for once. And it’s not like I’m getting anywhere with Junnie either you know? All we do is fuck, and...I’m tired of waiting. Plus, it’s just a date. It doesn’t mean Seokmin and I are gonna get married if we just hang out for a couple of hours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan and Joshua exchange a glance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hang out...Romantically.” Jeonghan says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, yeah. I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>guess</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hao. Not with Seokmin.” Joshua adds. “He’s</span>
  <span> the sweetest guy we know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You make it sound like I’m gonna break his heart or something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were the one who told him I was single in the first place! </span>
  <span>Okay, you know what, spare me the lecture.” Minghao gets up and stalks off to his room. Jeonghan winces when he hears the door slam harshly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joshua just sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is right. You technically did encourage Seokmin to ask him out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but that was before Seokmin and I hung out and he told me about his shitty past relationships and now I just don’t want the guy to get hurt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a date, Shua. You’re not his parent. You can’t protect either of them from getting hurt or hurting each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Fine.”</p><p>⁕⁕⁕</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so full of shit,” Jeonghan grumbles the minute Seungcheol’s hand lands on this thigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, your words are hurtful,” Seungcheol says as he presses kisses down Jeonghan’s neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, but you’re a liar. I should’ve known you wanted to do more than just stud- fuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Caught me red-handed. Now, are you gonna keep talking, or are you gonna let me suck you off?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The answer is always obvious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you been doing okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan startles and looks up from his laptop at Joshua.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” He asks, feeling frazzled and a bit too vulnerable this afternoon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joshua slowly closes the lid to his own laptop down halfway. “I just asked if you were doing okay,” he says and smiles at Jeonghan like he always does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(I couldn’t get out of bed all day yesterday and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to deal with your reaction. I’m scared i have no future and right now I really wish I didn’t exist.) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(I’m not.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(I hope you aren’t feeling bad too. I’m sorry I don’t have the emotional energy or patience to support you right now. I wish I did. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I could tell you. I feel so alone. But I can’t. I’m so sorry.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joshua answers, but Jeonghan can’t even focus on what he’s saying because of one thought, constantly looping in his brain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wish I could be better.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he can’t.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The week is going by so quickly. Days are blending together and Jeonghan is struggling to find his footing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He barely knows what’s going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyday is filled with class, and studying, and seeing Seungcheol, and trying to feel like he’s alive and he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s just so tired he doesn’t want to try anymore. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>seungcheol</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>vernon pulled through</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>come over?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(2:54 pm)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An hour after his afternoon class, Jeonghan finds himself in Seungcheol’s bedroom again. His shirt is discarded on the ground, with Seungcheol’s hands on his waist. Jeonghan has one hand flat on Seungcheol’s chest to steady himself, and the other to cover his mouth because Mingyu is home, and he decided to take a nap on the couch today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Seungcheol grunts and grabs Jeonghan’s wrist. “Stop for a second, I wanted to try something.” Jeonghan stills, and sinks back down. Seungcheol grabs the joint and his lighter from his bedside table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With some effort, he manages to get himself up into a sitting position, Jeonghan sharply inhaling at the movement and the feeling. When Seungcheol is settled, he places the joint in his mouth and lights it. He takes a long, deep, drag and grabs Jeonghan at the back of his neck, quickly pulling him close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes the hint, and opens his mouth. He inhales as Seungcheol exhales, and Seungcheol closes the distance between them. With a tongue in his mouth and fingers lightly tugging his hair, Jeonghan lets the smoke linger, before finally pulling away and blowing out the remainder, as Seungcheol does the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” Jeonghan whispers, eyes closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol grins and kisses him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the weekend Jeonghan gets lunch with Soonyoung and Chan, and goes shopping with Seungkwan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin gets too busy to hang out with the rest of them due to rehearsals for his show, but he promises that he’ll be at Jeonghan’s birthday party.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I might be a little late though, if that’s okay hyung.” He says before spitting out his toothpaste. Jeonghan grimaces but remembers he’s got a sheet mask on and his bangs look crazy right now so who is he to talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s ok,” he says. “Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want for a gift?” Seokmin asks, patting his face dry with a towel. He turns to his phone camera for a moment and shoots Jeonghan the cutest smile he’s ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm…” Jeonghan taps his chin and pretends to think about it. “Will you get hyung a boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin laughs. “Don’t you already have one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, are you talking about Seungcheol? We aren’t dating. We’re just...Messing around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s clear that Seokmin doesn’t believe him, but Jeonghan doesn’t really have time to unpack his potential relationship with Seungcheol.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and what about you? You and Minghao went out right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, uh...W-Well...Did he tell you anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan gives him a look. He watches as Seokmin sighs and flops onto his own bed, holding his phone above his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. Yeah. It was fine. It wasn’t bad! I don’t...I don't want to put you in an awkward position though hyung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan shakes his head. “You’re not. What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin sighs. He cuddles into his pillows, and Jeonghan gets ready to settle in for the night. Later on, as he listens to Seokmin he’ll realize he still hasn’t taken his sheet mask off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>fag discourse (13)</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>soonyoung</strong>: i want a cat</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:37 pm)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>jihoon:</strong> dont we all</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:40 pm)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>soonyoung:</strong> we might get a cat</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:41 pm)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em><strong>chan:</strong></em> <em>this apartment doesn’t allow pets</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>(1:41 pm)</em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em><strong>junnie:</strong></em> <em>i also want a cat</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>(1:42 pm)</em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>wonwoo:</strong> im not opposed to the idea</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:45 pm)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>mingyu:</strong>
    <span> you guys are gonna get kicked out</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:45 pm)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>soonyoung:</strong> fine</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>then we get a cat</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>in secret </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>(1:45 pm)</em><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em><strong>soonyoung:</strong></em> <em>[image attached]</em></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>update we got her</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>her name is mansae</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>she’s so cute id die for her</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>(5:23 pm)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>oh my god</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(5:23 pm)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>seungkwan:</strong> for legal reasons i don’t know you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>(5:30 pm)</em>
</p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday Jeonghan!” Twelve voices shout. Jeonghan blows out the candles on his cake and feels so happy, so cherished, so grateful to be loved like this. Joshua presses a kiss to his cheek while Minghao smashes cake onto the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan laughs and gets gifts in the form of alcohol and lap dances and a generous amount of birthday sex from Seungcheol himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later on, early in the morning after everyone either leaves or passes out, Jeonghan reads and rereads the cards he received.  He tries to make sense of them, tries to process the “I love yous” and the “thank you for being my friends.” He sits there and tries to match the adjectives used to describe him to...What he actually is. He reads “wonderful,” and “angel,” and “kind” and “caring” and “driven” and wonders if his friends actually know who he is or not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe, he’s just really good at pretending. So good in fact, that he wants to get up and apologize to everyone for giving them these expectations about himself because it’s not who he is and not who he’ll ever be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As October continues, their schoolwork picks up. Midterms are right around the corner and everyone sees each other less and less. Seokmin has his rehearsals, Chan has a recital, Mingyu has a project, and so on and so on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan feels like tearing his hair out. Seungcheol keeps tapping his pen against his notebook and the sound is driving Jeonghan crazy. Joshua is unbothered, intently focused on his readings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan has had enough. He slams his laptop shut, and stands up. “I need a break.” He grits out, ignoring their concerned looks as he storms out of the study room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks around the library, wandering through the large bookshelves and aisles, trying to calm himself down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wants to scream.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later on he’ll apologize and they’ll say that it’s fine, and Jeonghan will pretend that Joshua isn’t analyzing his every move, or that Seungcheol will act more carefully around him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>seungcheol </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>hi </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>do u want to get groceries with me</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:09 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>???? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>seungcheol it’s 1 in the morning</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:21 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>and yet ur awake</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:22 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🤨</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:22 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>fine </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>let me rephrase</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>i am very high rn</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>so is jihoon </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>and we are very hungry </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>please come with me to the conscience store because mingyu is too scared to let me go alone and he isn’t even home </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>and jihoon is two seconds away from eating the couch</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>and i mean that literally </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>(1:24 am)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>….i </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>ok ill be over</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:26 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>thanks &lt;33333333 </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:26 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>you owe me</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:26 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>ill blow u the next time i see u promise </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:27 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>&lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(1:28 am)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol has a reusable grocery bag with cherries printed on it. Jeonghan thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s much more giggly than usual, and while Jeonghan has to stop him from purchasing the entire store, he has a good time. He always has a good time with Cheol. Enough that he would probably be willing to make things actually “official” between them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If only he was worthy of someone like him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>⁕⁕⁕</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hansol is the one who waits for him outside the exam room. He shoots Jeonghan an easy smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you did good, hyung. Let’s get lunch to celebrate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan nods and follows him. Hansol allows them to link their arms just this once, and Jeonghan takes the small victory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a good day.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
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